Busting Myths about Loneliness

When I looked for the next myth to bust, I stumbled on one of the most severely misunderstood and most common conditions in our modern age. Chances are good you have experienced loneliness in your life and probably more frequently than you would ever care to admit. It's not a popular subject but it is no less a very common experience that unchecked can spiral into deep depression or even suicide.

1. Getting married will end your loneliness.

How many people do you know who got married partly to cure a sense of loneliness in their life? Truth is you can be just as lonely married as you can single.

2. Owning a plasma flat screen TV over 40" wide will eliminate loneliness in your life.

Despite the endless commercials depicting all the coolest people in the neighborhood crashing your house to watch TV with you, there is still no correlation between the size of your TV and the elimination of loneliness in your life. While it may assist you with visualizing imaginary companionship with more life-size TV stars, there is no truth that adding more things in your life will effectively replace feelings of loneliness.

3. Using the internet will eliminate our loneliness

There are few activities as isolating and individually oriented as surfing the net. You can go where you want, see what you want and do whatever you want on-line without help or obstruction from others. The experience is uniquely yours and chances are good that no one really cares what you do on-line.

4. Having sex will eliminate loneliness

While the experience may be very enjoyable there are plenty of people who have more sex than you and I could ever dream of, yet regularly experience loneliness and deep depression. Some who feel lonely particularly because of sex and the contrast of sex without a meaningful relationship with those they are having sex with.

5. Loneliness is caused by being alone

While you may be more susceptible to loneliness and depression from being alone for long periods of time, there are many people who are very active in group settings, hang out in crowded environments, and work around large numbers of people who are just as lonely as those in isolation. Likewise there are many people who are frequently alone who feel more re-energized, more productive, happy and content than when with large numbers of people.

6. Only teenagers, really old people, and unpopular people ever feel lonely

You can easily find someone outside these categories who feels lonely. Even so many people every day who encounter deep feelings of loneliness insist they are the only ones who are experiencing their kind of loneliness, convinced that no one else could possibly understand or ever relate with their experience. A prominent psychological study had expected kids at school, having a difficult time, and the elderly would provide the two peaks of loneliness, but instead what they found was:

"But people don't necessarily get lonelier as they get older. Apart from the youngest age group - the 18- to 19 year-olds - the lowest levels of loneliness were recorded in people aged 50 and over, with loneliness levels starting to rise at 20 and peaking between 40 and 49."

7. It's loneliest at the top

Truth is we seldom ever reach a place that is the "top." Every boss has someone or some people they have to answer to. When we think we are lonely because we are at the "top," we are only artificially putting ourselves in a place of isolation because we think the responsibility, the position, the title, the perception of where we supposedly are makes us deservedly and expectantly more lonely. Totally ridiculous. There are many people further "at the top" than we are with healthy, caring, purposefully relationships that eliminate most lonely feelings in their lives.

8. Raising your Newsvine "Positive Feedback" score will make you more popular and less lonely

People don't really care what your score is and generally don't care who you are on-line. People simply don't care how smart you are, or how good looking you may be. And yet despite not caring about other's scores, intelligence, or good looks, many people remain concerned that you pose a threat to their "Positive Feedback" score towards popularity, acceptance, and recognition in the on-line world.

9. Being an 'Only Child' makes you more lonely or more susceptible to loneliness

Numerous studies on family sizes and development show there is no relationship between the number of children and how lonely they feel. It is based along the same common myth that if we interact with more people we will become less lonely. What the studies have actually found is that parenting style and involvement is a better determiner to how lonely children will be and how well developed they may become in social settings.

Busted... and so what?

So what good does busting this myth do for anyone if all it proves is that very little cures loneliness and a lot more people experience it than any of us would have you believe. The reality is nobody really cares about how much you know, until they know how much you care. Caring for others in a balanced relationship where you are valued and appreciated for your kindness (not your knowledge, your looks, or your strength) brings meaning, builds trust, strengthens relationships and yes can actually eliminate loneliness.

May you always have the kind of friendships that keep loneliness away even in your deepest times of isolation. Investing some care in others will reap greater rewards than sharing your brilliance and good looks with others or letting your fears keep you from caring about others.

If you liked this article, I hope you read more from the TopJedi myth busting series.

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